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20 most recent entries

Date:2011-05-12 02:50
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as much as i hate to say it life is so much easier when i'm medicated

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Date:2011-05-09 02:00
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I'm the biggest mess surrounded by people who dont like cleaning.

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Date:2011-05-01 23:57
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that whole being an asshole to get girls thing doesnt work when your trying to get an actual woman.

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Date:2011-04-08 01:16
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im really happy. i really like being on medication. i cant find my debit card i think im going to shop online tommorow. i dont know why im updating you on all of this. i just finally feel like not killing myself and i think its pretty cool.

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Date:2011-03-07 16:06
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i finally met a man thats gonna hurt me first

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Date:2011-01-08 23:51
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i'd rather argue with you than to be with someone else

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Date:2010-12-05 23:18
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so uninspired.

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Date:2010-11-01 00:39
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what am i doing with my life?

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Date:2010-10-24 11:39
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i think once the crazyness of halloween is over i'm going to try to be sober for awhile. i've been drinking and smoking pot frequently since the age of 15. i'm wondering what a clear mind feels like. it's not going to be easy, everyone i'm close with drinks pretty heavily. and there aren't a lot of things that i don't do stoned. i really don't know what sober people do with all their time. maybe it will aid my depression and i can start doing the things that i used to enjoy again? i don't know but i think i'm going to try this.

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Date:2010-10-21 12:45
Subject:
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why dont you like me like the other boys do
they stare at me while i stare at you

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Date:2010-10-02 13:52
Subject:
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is there something about me that screams don't stick around?

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Date:2010-09-18 15:45
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i feel like if i moved away and made all new friends they would think i was really cool/hip/awesome

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Date:2010-09-01 13:30
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bored and depressed

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Date:2010-08-14 17:00
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How do you fill a void?

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Date:2010-07-08 11:11
Subject:
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You're incapable of change and I'm suppose to support that?
No. Fuck that and fuck you. You've been home for a week and it's pretty fucking obvious your on the same path as you were before. Am I a bitch for saying all this? Yes. But at least my heart isn't broken again.
Quite frankly I dont want to have anything to do with you until YOU take charge of YOUR life and YOUR disease cause I'm done fighting. I put in so much effort the last 7 years of my life and now I can officially say I'm done.

On another slightly angry and depressing note. To all my friends who lied to me about being there for me after my surgery. Which by the way was the hardest thing I've gone through to date. A big fuck you to you to. Once I'm physically able don't try to hang out with me, cause frankly I'm not interested. When something huge happens in your life you really realize who your real friends are and I guess I have a lot less friends than I previously thought.

And now on a lighter note. I've been really pleasantly surprised at who has pulled through for me these past few weeks. And really greatful. I do have some pretty amazing people in my life, near and far. And my family, specifically my mum and Will have been awesome through this. Mum for putting up with me when I couldn't do anything for myself and not only being so willing to do those things for me but putting up with me when I'm bitching her out for doing those things. And Will for making me feel normal. Everyone else treats me different because I don't know I guess they think I got a lobotomy rather than a hip surgery. So thanks to him for not changing the way he acts around me.

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Date:2010-06-24 09:41
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So I am eight days out of major surgery. A hip replacement to be exact. I'm not even 20 yet and I have to learn how to walk again basically. It went better than anyone could have expected, all in all I'm really really happy. This is the best thing I could have done for myself. For the past 20 years I've been in chronic pain. Constantly uncomfortable, constantly stared at, constantly worried. It's all behind me now.
It's quite strange going from being independent in most aspects of your life to not being able to even dress or wash yourself. From being a relatively private person to having someone with you at all times doing things you would rather do alone. To being heavily medicated on shit that someone in your family has been addicted to and not really having any choice in the matter. I'm not complaining really its just a lot to adjust to. It is only six weeks till I'm on my feet again. I guess I'm just anxious for the benefits, this is still the hard part.
I cant wait to finally be normal.

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Date:2010-06-07 00:37
Subject:
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anxiety is ruining my life.

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Date:2010-05-19 22:36
Subject:
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I WANT A DIET AND FITNESS PARTNER

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Date:2010-05-13 15:54
Subject:
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i'm using badminton as a flirting tactic.
have i always been so god damn awkward?

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Date:2010-05-10 14:49
Subject:
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i love;
skins,dresses,excessive drinking,sunshine,fruit,veggie sushi,slushies,coffee,cuddling,cute boys,PDA,pot,nail polish,puppies,ugly sweaters,gap teeth, dry humour, good books, hot peppers, lemonade, undergarments, that feeling you get when you dont eat all day, falafels, my breasts, new shoes, new knickers.

life is actually seeming okay right now.
my brother is finally going to rehab.
i'm getting surgery thats going to improve the quality of my life a fuck ton.
i'm going back to school.
and my hair looks fierce.

now all i need is money.

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